Ingratiation

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Ingratiation is a social tactic you use to make someone like you, so they’re more likely to be persuaded by you. It’s a kind of impression management—the broader effort to shape the way others view you. Ingratiation focuses on being liked to help you reach a goal with a particular person.

Three main approaches to ingratiation
- Other enhancement (flattery): compliments and positive statements about the other person. It can work best when it highlights the person’s strengths, sometimes easing in with a mild critique of a weakness before praising a strength.
- Conformity in opinion, judgment, and behavior: matching the other person’s views or imitating their behavior to show you share their values. This is often most effective when you can shift toward agreement on important points.
- Self-presentation (self-promotion): presenting your own strengths to fit the person’s ideals. This can mean emphasizing your competence and reliability, sometimes balancing strengths with a tactful admission of weaknesses to seem trustworthy.

Other common tactics
- Rendering favors: doing helpful things for the other person to appear cooperative and generous.
- Modesty: downplaying your abilities to earn pity or to seem humble.
- Humor: using jokes to create a positive mood and bond, especially when you hold a higher status.
- Instrumental dependency: showing you rely on the other person for a task, which can trigger care or support.
- Name-dropping: mentioning influential people you know to gain credibility.

What researchers have found
- Compliments and praise can increase how much people tip or help you, showing that flattery can influence behavior.
- In workplaces, ingratiation works best when the other person doesn’t see it as manipulation. If your attempts are noticed as insincere, they can backfire.
- In studies comparing ingratiation with self-promotion, ingratiation raises likability, while self-promotion boosts perceived competence. Using a mix of both often yields the best results in interviews.
- People who are high in self-monitoring (those who carefully manage how they come across) tend to use ingratiation and other impression-management tactics more effectively than those who are low in self-monitoring.

Where ingratiation shows up in real life
- Social situations like restaurants, online dating, and job interviews. For example, compliments can influence how generous someone is, and a blend of ingratiation and self-promotion can improve hiring chances.
- People adapt their tactics to the situation. For example, low-status people might use agreement with role expectations, while high-status people might rely more on flattering and positive self-presentation.

Tips and cautions
- Be transparent about your motives when possible; if others sense you’re trying to manipulate them, they may respond negatively or reciprocate with suspicion.
- Consider the context and the status relationship. What works between a supervisor and subordinate might not work in a peer-to-peer setting.
- In stressful times, ingratiation can be a coping strategy tied to self-esteem. People may try to boost their image when under pressure, but this can backfire if it seems insincere.

In short, ingratiation is about using specific, likeable behaviors to influence how others respond to you. It includes flattering others, showing similarity, presenting yourself well, and offering help, with varying effects depending on the situation and how genuinely you come across.